Dear Mom and Dad,
I want to start this letter with a couple caveats. First, this letter is one of nostalgia, remembrance, recognition, and understanding. The topic is, in a nutshell, how I want to let you know what I think of you guys as parents and people, and of us as a family (all good I swear! Ha, Ha). Second, I wanted to write this awhile back but couldn’t wrap my head around what I was exactly trying say and where to jump in, and my brain would go dead every time I tried to sit down and actually do it. All day long when I work with Addison, I get thoughts I want to put down in writing especially when I am driving Addison on the lawn mower and his CanAm SidebySide. I can never write that stuff down because Addy won’t let me. By the time I get home my brain is mush and I just stare at the screen and forget all my days’ thoughts. This isn’t a letter I wanted to write because mom has been having medical problems recently either. It came about way prior. It just took the time for my brain mush to subside for bit. A good while back it dawned on me one day that Sully really doesn’t know me prior to him being around and being conscience of me as his parent. And in joking one day with him about something I can’t even remember now, it just came to me. A child doesn’t really know the events that add up to make the parents be who they are, and a family be who they are, and to know how many tough waters had to be navigated to end up in relative stability. And also, the sacrifices made to achieve that.
So in this letter, I want to highlight some of the things that I recognize about you both that I love and that shaped me into 48-year-old Josh. And to also let you know some of the things that I remember that I really loved about you guys and our upbringing. And to tell you I understand the sacrifices you made and appreciate it tremendously. Oh yeah. Third, I am not going to spend too much effort in trying to stay coherent in putting these thoughts down like in a professional grammatical way, or you will likely never get to read it! Ha! So, I guess with no real segue, lets jump in!
I consider our family to be one that is so awesome. We are caring people and compassionate. We don’t get hung up on trivial things and are big minded, wide perspective, and uber intelligent people. When I hear people talk about visiting their families and are stressed out about it I get sad for them. I know that no matter who we are dating, and what friends we bring to a York family event, they will leave thinking, “I never laughed so hard!” or “dang what great food!” or “I can’t wait to come to another party!”. Our house has always been open and inviting and I love that. I am proud of that.
I also can’t believe how much stuff you were both able to put together that we got into growing up. I have one child with two households and income streams and I barely can keep it all afloat sometimes. I know it had to take great planning and cunning to keep up with our sports and activities and interests. You must have gone without so many of your own hobbies and fun things that other people without kids get to have. I always think about our holidays. I can’t believe we had so many cool toys all the time. Race tracks. Bikes. Remote control anything. Those are not cheap! These are the kind of memories that kids have but don’t give credence to the depths that parents go to provide a great childhood to them. Well, I understand and I am saying a huge THANK YOU for all that stuff. Here are just a handful of memories that I have of events and gifts and whatever else that really stick out.
Mom; I remember as a small child, you always made it fun to do anything that would be otherwise mundane. If we had to put groceries away, we would make masks with the paper bags afterwards. Stuff like that. I love those memories of being in the kitchen on Elmhurst so much. Listening to music, like dancing and singing to “Walk Like an Egyptian”. Burned in memory.
When we had to run errands, you would always play the points game with stopping behind cars and not letting them stop behind us. We would be laughing and getting stressed and damn near doing illegal things to not lose points! Haha. I remember! And that reminds me of driving down by Pambi Farms and turning off the headlights so we could try and see the UFOs that people would see there. That was exhilarating as a kid. Total darkness while driving to sneak past the aliens. Core memory. I remember walking to Lawsons for candy, you pulling us around the block in a sled in the snow, and leaving Kool-Aid outside for all us neighborhood hooligans. I love all the creative crafts we did, like make the candle holders out of weird salty dough for advent and popcorn trees for school. The Valentine’s Day boxes and Halloween costumes. I love that we visited airports to watch the planes and went to churches of all types too. You were my PTA mom and my Den mom and I appreciate that.
I learned how to cook because of all the time you spent showing us. Plus, you never had all the right gadgets and the fancy devices, but you made amazing food. That taught me that you don’t need all that crap. You just make it happen. Because of that influence, I can adapt and solve problems like a pro. I liked going grocery shopping with you because we could study products and you let me help decide on flavors and ingredients. I love cooking with you to this day and the kitchen is where we bond the most probably. You took so much of yourself out of all those things to slow our roll and allow us to experience all that. I know you had to be tired. I know there were a lot of us to take care of. And I know we all have big personalities. But you never showed signs of fatigue as a parent.
You taught us patience, creativity, understanding, and positivity. I love you and appreciate all of that stuff. (There are hundreds more stories that I remember too-but we can get into those when we all hang out in person). You are the single biggest influence upon us staying tight as family too. I recognize what you do for our clan in that way. You are the best mom.
Dad…When I talk about the stuff I remember about mom’s influence upon us, I realize that a lot of the ability for me to spend time with her came from you taking on the working role all those years so she could be home with us. It must have been stressful to carry that upon your shoulders and kinda sad to miss some things that happen in the daytimes. But I also remember how involved you were when you came home and on the weekend. Some of my favorite memories that stick out are you playing with us kids, especially when we were younger. I always looked forward to you doing the game to get us to go bed where you put a coin in your hand and we took turns picking the hand.
And I remember playing with dart guns and army men in the basement. Remember those old school darts with the hard rubber suction cup tip.
I think back to the days of you getting on your knees and boxing with us with the boxing gloves. And making couch cushion forts.
I remember playing Atari as a family and then hearing the Atari sounds as we would be drifting off to sleep cuz you and mom were in heated Space Invaders battles late into the night.
There are many things I super appreciate about our upbringing that were more of your influence. You always facilitated our dreams and interests by doing the heavy lifting. Building wood things and designing technical stuff was one of your parenting fortes. Also just making good plans.
I will never forget the wood frame with the plastic that you built for my 7th birthday party so all my friends and I could throw water balloons at you.
And the efforts you made to help me with the scout projects. Like trying to win the pinewood derby car races and making morse code machines. I will always have core memories of you helping me bring my ideas to fruition for the Odyssey of the Mind competition. You always put your full efforts into each activity that you helped us with. When you were a coach, you not only learned sports you never even played in record time, but made binders of drills and plays for each one. I noticed that type of organization and planning and try to emulate that in the things I do to this day. You had your yoga books when we were very young and the collection of Christmas music on tape, all organized with cross referencing lists. I learned the power of organization from you and giving 100% to a project from you. And I appreciate that tremendously. I know you had some heavy stuff to overcome in your days with your family, and trying to balance all that went into having Jesse and Jennifer and us and Julian. I think you did a great job with everything. You were present and engaged and all in. Again, I could go on and on telling stories of memories I have and how I love our upbringing, but we can save that for the times we are together in person. I just want to say that I recognize what you have given us and your struggles doing so. I love you. You are the best dad.
I do want to mention a few things that remind me of the both of you that stick out in my mind. I can’t believe you both woke every day and helped me with those paper routes. At risk of cold and dogs and weird Falls apartment residents. Thank you. I remember me and Julian loving going on walks around the block in Stow and trying to complete an extra lap to try and catch up with you before you got back to the house. So much fun! And going to take care of the community garden plots. Sometimes hated it when it was hot and my job was to get water. Hahaha. But looking back, so formative of who I am now. And it gives great street cred in my current hippie earthy folk circles! There is one thing that no one will ever remember except you both and me. Not even Julian. Maybe Judd would have. And no one in the whole community probably anymore either. It is one of the most impressive things you guys did. I know this now because I have tried to do some things like this but never on such a scale, and definitely not recently. It is that you planned and hosted the Sports Exchange. That is wild to me when I really think about it. Well done mom and dad. Very impressive.
So, to round this out and bring it back to the original point. I think it was something having to do with college that Sully and I were discussing that made me want to write this. I feel sometimes that people around me don’t understand why I do things the way I do. And I think we all tend to project our own insecurities onto why we aren’t in better financial scenarios or further ahead in whatever we are judging ourselves on. For instance, I would hope that Sully knows that we don’t own a house and had to do an apartment for these years leading up to him going to college because it was the only way I could cobble together a path to balance all the needs of us existing safely while having best opportunities and schooling. I don’t expect him to get that fully yet but maybe eventually. Don’t get me wrong, I do not feel bad about any decisions I have made to achieve these goals. We have had fun. I think I have done fine. But that is the point really. You do those things regardless of the accolades you do or don’t get and you just take the heat from yourself and other people about mistakes you make because you know the end outcome you desire is the goal. And that is why I am writing this whole letter to you. I made some mistakes that have held me back in life. Arrests, expensive schools, whatever else. But those are not your mistakes. Those are mine to have. It is my personality that led to those. You guys taught me everything great and correct. And that I have overcome those indiscretions I created BECAUSE of your influences. Don’t ever feel guilty for our obstacles. You guys did great as parents. I recognize that and appreciate that. You gave us every opportunity to try sports and music and college and jobs. All of us boys are great people and in great situations with great people around us because of you Mom and Dad. All because of you. I love you and we love you.
Your Number #1 Son, Joshua Charlton